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User blog:Spatulus/Epic Rap Battles Of History- Johannes Gutenberg VS Nicolas Jenson
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY Johannes Gutenberg VS Nicolas Jenson BEGIN! JG: I started the Printing Revolution, and the typographic resolution Regard me as the father of fonts Cause you’re like my Roman confidant I am the Mainz goldsmith, here to write some Black Letter rhymes You came to my metropolis, but never did I consider you as my primes My epochal invention was implementing the installation of printing Within the production, complementing the art of imprinting Clearly stating that I’ll be winning, Reason being without me, you wouldn’t be living from the beginning So best you go back to Italy, for the challenge is thinning Beat you with Psalms, and don’t talk to me about sinning [ [ [ NJ: Oh Johannes, you wrote a 42 liner as if it’s Christmas Label your libels, because nobody messes with Nicolas I respect diligence, but you should disburse some dissonance Not to Fust your bubbles, but your works are no longer a dominance I spit assonance, onto your failure of a career you once created Your immanence was the only subject left that you’re associated I stole your gift, and won’t you just take a look at my history Or are you too blind to even see that you are headed to a death ministry Because redemptory, can’t save you from the depths of debts Neither can I, I too be busy prepping and listing for raps So why won’t you stand back as my publishments take my place Sure you invented letter designs, nevertheless because of that, war began to trace! [ [ [ Aldus Manutius: Did somebody say war? Because here comes the Elder I invented italics and influence the semicolon and comma I’m a highly educated, and well respected individual Here to strap you dolphins on an anchor for you both are ineffectual Look, I wrote the Greek and Latin classics, full of literature and tactics Go ahead and print the words that I say, for you might need them for statistics Words like ‘unidentifiable’, describes me really clearly And that will be you, when this battle is over, sincerely Festina lente, or you might just choke on your words Jenson, I married your worker but no me ain’t working with nerds Johannes, your whole life is uncertain, whether alive or disappeared I do say Rest in Pieces, but it ain’t a close shave with all that beard [ [ [ William Caslon: It’s not the end when you rap battle three fools with flat hats Aldus you’re not the only Elder, have you step into Old Street yet? I’ve set up a Foundry, a company, with descendants bearing my name Call me Big Inspiration, because the Englishman is here to rise to fame [ [ [ John Baskerville: Fame!? You must be joking, Caslon. Your fonts are atrocious You do drop more than Aldus’ when war left him purposeless You look like Newton without the science or the knowledge I am a traditional businessman in the University of Cambridge An atheist who prints pages of the Bible Who will whoop these asses for trying to withstand Baskerville [ [ [ Firmin Didot: Enough! Bodoni, let’s show them how to rap the Modern way. Stereotype is what I came up with, directing it to what I say Giambattista Bodoni: What can we say? It’s a new phase of a New Face Two new faces here in this field, evolving the initial typeface Firmin Didot: OH! I reinvented printers and their ability to handle the actual printing of paper This is a new century, much further to the future where we will be using your graves as sandpaper Giambattista Bodoni: Alternatively, I am famous. Fighting the ignoramus with timeous pronunciation Like a star, meeting Benjamin Franklin and the Emperor Napoleon Firmin Didot and Giambattista Bodoni: What have we got to lose against you bunch of designer wannabes? All your fonts are incomparable and has degraded through literal history! [ [ [ Max Miedinger: Tell that to yourself, and when did rap battles allow a team? If it’s one against one, never mind, what do you two know about schemes? I will tear all of you apart like the scar on Bodoni’s chest Helvetica-ny heard about this font I created? It’s the best The font of all centuries can never reach the levels of my creation Comes in different forms, no need for any expatiation Circle around the Globe, sender of sans that sends sadness on these sags I will slice all of your sacrum like serifs from the ends of each letter tags Savaging these scalawags that I refer to as fags Save your splattering and start investing your time on your money bags [ [ [ Vincent Connare: Whoa, whoa, wait. Did someone say money? I worked on the infamous Comic Sans, and a former Microsoft employee. Sure this font has been criticized but I still don’t understand why? I mean it’s for kids, right? Didn’t really get why it made people cry? [ [ [ Johannes Gutenberg: You want to know the reason? It’s simple, its Doge Determine your x-heights like how you use any horologe [ [ Nicolas Jenson: I have got to agree on this one, your font is just silly Look at Century Gothic, is geometric. Yours is just willy-nilly [ [ Aldus Manutius: It really is sh*t, just look at the way it is misused I think the Romans did a better job, bro were you confused? [ [ William Caslon: Even with the serifs, it would still hurt my cerebellum I think you should remove it, before I faint of this compendium [ [ John Baskerville: Sorry pal, they are all right, alright, you’re not my type I better get going, away from your hellish release of a prototype [ [ Firmin Didot: I mean to give you credit, it used to be cool Giambattista Bodoni: Ask Dan Gilbert, it was then and there, you started to turn to a fool [ [ Max Miedinger: Well, this leaves me, and there’s nothing more I can say You have ruined this battle by bringing your stupid fount of dismay But hey, you created memes, posts and other social media reference and retribution Maybe you should just take this mic and compare Helvetica with your contribution [ [ [ WHO WON? WHO’S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! Who Won? Johannes Gutenberg Nicolas Jenson Aldus Manutius William Caslon John Baskerville Firmin Didot and Giambattista Bodoni Max Miedinger Vincent Connare Category:Blog posts